Update... for the record.

Why on EARTH is this so difficult for me to start lately? I sit and look at the screen and wonder what is so important in my life that anyone would be interested in reading about? And so hear I sit looking at the screen.

FOR EMILY: Dolly Partons Smoky Mountain Christmas has been on at a variety of times if we had a blank "TAPE" we could re-record it so that tradition isn't lost. I watched a few minutes and laughed out loud. if anyone would have been here I would have watched it all, but by myself it just felt sad. So come over and we can watch it together!! Other family who hasn't seen it- you are invited too, the more the merrier. It's funny cause it's OLD!!

Jacey and Lucas started Karate a few weeks ago and they have been enjoying that. They are super cute to watch and we are already implementing some things they are learning. All good things.

Here are some Random things from Halloween that I never posted. THanks Jill for lending us Taylors pirate outfit. she was super cute and pretty warm.
We did a indoor trick or treat at our church where each church auxilery decorated a room and the kids went around to visit with a treat and stuff. we did ghost-tac-toooOOoooo... get it? haha it was plan be but the kids liked it and they got a balloon at the end.

I'm still learning my Yoli business and that has been a positive experience that I am SOOO happy to throw myself into when I get the chance. I've had great results from the products so it is really easy to share with others. I've grown personally from the business experience and the people I meet are fun, inspiring, motivational, and so positive that it's rubbed off on me. I love passing that on to those on my team and growing closer in those friendships.

Jacey has had great reports for behavior in school since that hard week of losing her precious stuffed animals for her behavior at school.

Justin is loving his job but struggling with some dynamics within the company and we are constantly trying to figure out where he will be happiest. He works the constuction side of linework right now and is thinking a utitily might be a happy spot for himself. He applys for openings when they come up. Trying to stay local but I suppose we keep our options open (within reason) (:

So that's us for today. work. Karate. school. errands. cleaning...yada yada yada. :) Lifes good. Merry Christmas Y'all if I don't get back to this before then!!

Moooaaaa!

Kids lately

It's been 3 months... I'm ashamed to say.
Let's start with kids, Jacey (I was told in a quiet moment) scored the highest in her class on the "dibble" test, which is some sort of aptitude test. I won't pretend to know if it's a credible version or some version the state requires that doesn't actually measure real skills or knowledge.
She actually has some behavioral issues (aka. talking in class, distracting others, interrupting) that have caused her to lose her "star" which resulted in a note being sent home. BUT HEY, she's smart as a whistle! Hahaha

Lucas, Lucas, Lucas... I've never met anyone like him. He can melt your heart and break your heart all in one hour. I normally write exactly what I'm thinking and the experiences are sometimes funny, outrageous and almost always promise some sort of horror at my expense. But as I think on that boy of mine, I wonder, will these thoughts ever find their way to his hands. I don't ever want to break his heart with my words by being so brutally honest that it would hurt him someday to read them.
With all the struggles I felt, with him in particular, I need him to know I love him. I have asked the Lord what I should do with this boy I am in care of and all the answers I recieved were to increase in love. I discipline A LOT probably to a fault. I have a phobia of having children who lack respect. Respect for laws, rules, people. I know I can't change the choices they'll make as adults, that is why it's crucial they learn young how to be obedient and think for themselves how to make good choices. (tangent-sorry)
But I've found that I don't always follow up my discipline with the affirmation that I still love him. I'm hoping that realization will change our relationship for the better. I've also started giving him more physical affection that seemed to naturally diminish with our fighting. Between the recognition of my faults and an increase of love I'm praying over time we'll be blessed with a respect for each other. HE perplexes me that's for sure.

Taylor's writing symphonies and learning french... um. yes, I'm kidding. She's 2. She acts very two and she's the cutest thing you ever SAW!! on the verge of potty training, we work on it here and there. She's pretty independent and learning how to sass from everyone else. PERFECT!!
she hates her hair in pony tails (I'm writing this now for my own recollection of what she was like at this age) She is putting diapers on everything lately. including Buzz Lightyear, stuffed animal cats, babies, barbies and she's pretty good at it. she changes clothes more than any other kids I know. She's experimented with scissors, markers, eggs, and loves to get things from the fridge like milk, cheese, and a variety of other knick knacks.


THis is quickly turning into the long update letter you get at Christmas...

HENCE I haven't blogged in a while, all my creative energy is being used elsewhere.

I will try to update when something relevant happens so it's more interesting to hear about. :)

Time will tell...

This short entry stems from the thoughts of my mom's most recent post where she relates a story of trust from a toddler in her auntie to the trust and faith we must place in our Father in Heaven.

"I had this same thought today (without the eloquent words) during my presidency meeting... We worked on our situation and then closed with a prayer, my thoughtful Primary president prayed for my family and the life choices that need to be made. I crumbled in tears... My first thought was "I DID NOT want to go to Yelm 2nd ward, I knew I'd hate it there." I found myself in a mess of sobbing at the thought of possibly leaving all that I have come to adore... Oooohh how our father knows best. Then the inspiration came (or peace) "maybe I don't want to go now, and yes the transition will be tough, but maybe it will be the best place of all." where along the path of life did I lose my faith in the Lord's plan for me? or us? The answer to my prayers came today in the form of a peaceful feeling that told me, "it will all be ok." and the good part is... I believe it.

-I also finished a good book today that brought me a feeling of empowerment for my future.
-I installed a second row of shelves in my closet for storage (which I LOVEEE!!)
-Shelves in my craft/office are in and doing a beautiful job at organizing the Yoli in there.
-Saw an amazing Magic show at the YOLI BBQ, spent time with friends, had a zip line adventure (I'll tell you that one another day)
-landscaping is becoming clear, roses are deadheaded, bushes removed, dead shrubs cut out.
-car washed, lawn mowed, edged, (thank you my dear) :) xo
-girls night tonight, had a blast, had some laughs, enjoyed my cherished friendships!
- got some sun, while sipping lemonade and reading a good book.
-played with my kids
-had a presidency meeting
-signed up a new distributor in YOLI- WAHOO.. :)

It's been a good week of productivity, self improvement, love, friendship, and just moving forward to living out my goals and dreams.

I wanted to write this to myself so I would remember this turning point or at least a trend. It's no secret that Lucas has given me a fair amount messes to clean up, small catastrophes to work through, attitude, grief, tears, tantrums and I have documented lots of them on here so when he does something nice I feel it's only fair to do the same... Lately he is having a lot of nice moments and I am really enjoying his personality and I have to say it is a nice change from the constant head butting they we have done for the last 2 1/2 years... yes it's been a long time I've waited to be in a place where we can enjoy each other. I know I have been hard for him to enjoy me as well.

Maybe it's the normal parent relationship with a 2 year old, I don't know... I always have and always will love him but the glimpses of "niceness" have been few and random. He is a strong spirit and on top of that he is agile, determined and more than able to get where he wants to get what he wants. He's soooo busy!

I moved all the kids around because Taylor is following in her brothers footsteps being busy and at this point she's incapable of staying in her bed... Long story short- Lucas is in his own room, so I have gone in to sing with him at night and he has been requesting "itsy bitsy spider" he does all the hand motions and knows all the words. His little voice is so cute, his pronunciation has suffered because of all his ear trauma and inability to hear and it's almost sad how nasally his little singing is. But I could listen to him for hours it's so adorable, and I can't tell you how good it feels to have tender sweet moments with him where he gives hugs and is happy to kiss me goodnight. He is talking more about his needs, feelings, telling stories, trying to sweet talk me and it's nearly irresistible!!

We went to Manda's the other day and she gave Lucas a ride on the mini motorcycle and he had so much fun, it was hysterical seeing tall manda with her knees scrunched up but Luky's face was bright and he was in heaven.. a moment after the ride, she parked the bike. We were both changing diapers on the porch right outside, 20 ft from Lucas. We looked over after hearing metal hit concrete and saw Lucas in the grass and the motorcyle dumped on it's side. I began telling him how he can't get on this himself and then he kind of quietly crumbled began to cry and I realized he was hurt. He burned the back of knee on the hot engine. It was a scarey looking one so we took him in and fixed him up. Probably the size of 2 quarters side by side. (I'll spare you the description) he was already exhausted but he whimpered and just let me hold him. The change is that he wasn't angry and hurt he was sad and hurt. He has just been kinder as a whole.

Point of the story is I am liking him again. I've always loved him- I would do anything for him at any point of my frustration- but it's been a long fight. I like feeling some peace between us, Peace. That's a powerful word when that is ALL you seek from a situation, and when you obtain it you just feel whole.

I love you Lucas, it has been so fun seeing you grow and mature, and I am really enjoying the time we are spending together. You have always been so full of life and energy. You are unique and funny. I love how you always want me to smell you after dad shares his colonge with you on sundays. I love how you can be rough and tumble yet sit so quiet on my lap for a book. I love the sound of your sweet voice and the sound of you singing. I love seeing you learn new things and participate in primary, ride your bike and do tricks on your scooter or skateboard. You are so balanced and athletic- it is going to be so fun watching you choose what direction you want to go with your energy. You always put your shoes on the wrong feet, you are so cute when you take care of Taylor and look after her. You can be such a great brother.

I think all the things we've fought about for the last 2 years are finally starting to pay off in my effort and your understanding. I know we will have more fights and we will disagree on LOTS of things but I want you to know you are my best boy and I love you so much. I hope we can continue to get along, I sure like seeing this side of you. I know I have failed in patience and I'll continue to develop that skill but I want you to know I'm sorry for the hard times we've come through, and I love who you are and who you are becoming.

Love your
Momma.

For Better or Worse...

This post is strictly an "in my head" journaling entry.

I don't suppose it is the goal of any marriage to test this part of the vows we take (or hear in the traditional wedding) when we start out on the adventure of our lives called marriage.

However there comes a time in most marriages when we have a disagreement, where something or someone has to give in, give up, or sacrifice for the greater good of the relationship or family.

Our marriage, apart from friends that we are generally not legally or eternally bound to, is the one relationship we choose to enter into. We don't get to choose our parents, our siblings, our children, grandparents, aunts, cousins etc...(well lets not argue this point for this stories sake)

So why is it then that the one relationship we CHOOSE to be in ends up being fraught with challenges? I find myself in a situation I didn't think I was going to be in again. Justin's apprenticeship took us all over the north west. Some parts of Utah mostly Washington, a little Kansas, and storms back east. Though his apprenticeship is over the economy has left us 18 hours apart in separate countries and in different worlds. The part that is difficult is not living together but how to live together, APART...

I chose a man who is a very hard worker and provides a really comfortable living, and yet even with all that he provides I'm wishing I had less of this world with more of his company... I know to the military families this is certainly no big deal, but the truth is... I didn't sign up for deployments and frankly this is difficult... That's all I'm sayin'....

The kids and I struggle to get along, they miss him and Lucas is especially lost without his father. Justin is definitely a happy influence in our home, a tease, a comic relief, a friend, a playmate, huge help, teethbrusher, diaper changer, laundry man, cook, he vacuums, he tinkers, organizes, fixes, maintains, hugs, holds, smiles....I think he is gone wondering why I miss him beyond the fact that he is an amazing help in all aspects of my life... And though our telephone conversations are brief and we don't get to spend time just connecting in actual conversation life is just better when he's around to be a part of it.

I like to think I can do it all on my own with a smile on my face. I expect myself to handle a full load of house chores, gardening chores, lawn maintenance, church calling, mother, friend, self, mother, mother, sister, business partner, mother, and wife. Kids certainly have no maturity to recognize the effort they require. Their only job is to be happy having minimal responsibilities and enjoying their brief childhood and instead I know they are feeling like they are weathering this difficult time with me. I wonder what they're memories will be of this time of their lives? Will they have any recollection of his absence or will they just remember the feelings in our home? I received a blessing tonight and I think it's time we change our attitude around here from "better or worse" to "better or harder". My attitude has been that this part will be called "the part that was worst". Can it still be hard without being worst? I think so. I must try...

Justin I miss you. We are not the kind that were meant to be apart. I know you are doing your best and you would love to be home with us. I just want you to know we would choose to have you home with us too. Thank you for taking such good care of us, it's because you are so wonderful that life is so hard without you.

I guess in the midst of this trial I wonder what the Lord would have me learn from this situation, is it to be of good cheer? Am I gaining an appreciation of the military families I know? growing in the ways I can be empathetic? To give more service to my children? Selflessness, scheduling? organization? self sufficiency? Patience, humility, sacrifice? Will I recognized what I learned when this too has passed?

I will try to better to learn from my trials so that I can grow and become the woman I want to be. I want to embrace the attitude of better NOT worse. How can I become better from things that make me feel worse? I will decide to grow from the experience... (this is my positive thinking. is it working? :))

Goals this month, get to a temple, say more prayers, smile more, enjoy the little things, call on the Lord for endurance, go to bed earlier. :)

Jenn

Teddy Bear Masacre!!

Well FINALLY here are some pictures. I went into Jacey and Lucas' room and was welcomed by THIS!! I thought it looked like a bunch of animals on meat hangers but it's opened to interpretation I guess. funny none the less.

We gave Taylors crib away to a family who needed one by a certain date and though it was gone before I thought I was ready I figured it would be "ok". NOPE I hate it! it's so much work keeping a baby out of stuff and in bed when they aren't older enough. SO here are a couple pictures of how I've found Taylor when I went to check on her before bed.



I am starting a new Yoli Blog it will have pictures, videos, training, and article (either written by me or imported) and I'd love your feed back on that one as friends (even if you aren't interested) so I can improve, remove, or continue the quality of it. THanks Guys.


That way if you are checking out my blog and I want to write about Yoli I can without you guys feeling like I'm preaching... This one will stay my life and kids, and the other will be my business life... What do you think? You'll have to let me know what you think WHEN it's up. These things all take time after all, and I have SOooo much extra (wink wink) that it shouldn't take me long.

I've joined the Yelm City Lions Club so I can be involved in my community as well as choir and I still go playgroup on thursdays, 2nd counselor in Primary, running my business, 3 kids all five and under without a husband... Yeah we're busy. Happy but busy.

I just at this very moment got some flowers from my thoughtful husband, no kidding, mid blog entry a ding dong at my door... VOILA... they are good ones too. He and I are struggling with figuring out what the summer is going to hold for us since there is nothing to do up where he is and it's a rediculously long drive. (17 hours- without kids) I think I have pretty good motivation to be oober successful with Yoli don't you?? Bring our Daddy home that would be a success story I'm interested in...

So enjoy the pictures finally, they are my favorite part. :)

Again without the pictures? what is this..... a journal?

Don't you all know I hate posting without pictures?

This is why I haven't been up keeping up on this. The last 3 posts are picture-less and that is just lame-o. my writing or rambling isn't any fun without pictures.

Well it isn't like we haven't had plenty going on to post about, we've had St. Patrick Day, which we did absolutely NOTHING for. the FOLLOWING day I did Jacey's hair in the clover like last year, cause we actually left the house on the 18th to go to playgroup.

April fools day??? NADA. I did have a pre april fools meltdown prank which some of you caught! where I announced a fake pregnancy to see who was really listening. Mostly it was funny but some people were mad, which made for a tricky exit to that post... YOu all did catch the part where I am NOT pregnant right?

Then we had Conference where we enjoyed the spirit and did quite a bit of watching, again not forcing the kids to participate one i-od-ta. We did talk about what WE the parents were watching. I think Lucas actually sat for 7 minutes of one talk.

Conference turned into Easter where I didn't bother with new Easter clothes cause we were sitting at home for church that week. My mom-in-law did sent the kids new easter clothes that they DID look slick in the following Sunday. Thanks MOM! everything fit great. Luky's pants were a little long (big surprise) and Jacey's dress fits just right with not much room for growth but it fits!! I'll again have to try again for pictures of that moment. I did boil some eggs and we did do the whole dying eggs bit, complete with pictures and egg hunt (in the house).

We've had friends starting soccer, baseball, swimming and who knows what else and I'm feeling a little bit like a dud mother. Like a big smokey firecracker that just smokes and does NOTHING else. BORING.

My poor kids. At least they've been pretty popular in the neighborhood lately, thanks for the Trampoline Heather and Kyle, it has been the BEST thing ever!!! NOT Kidding. if we get 5 minutes of sun the kids are out on that thing.

We've been making new friends. I did an event at the L.A. Fitness here in Lacey and got some great leads and so far one more Yoli sign up to my team, we had A LOT of FUN at the event and the Gym has invited us back for the next customer appreciation event at the end of this month.
I learned I was a top 5 recruiter in the Yoli friends and family promotion that we just ended. So that was a boost of confidence in an industry that I have so much to learn about. It helps me to feel like I'm doing something right. 10,000 distributors and I was in the top 5! I like it! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.... turns into I know I will, I know I will, I know I will... So YOLI is taking off. BIG BONUS. It's still VERY early in the game so I have a long way to go, but forward progress is confirmation that I'm moving is FANTASTIC.

Justin is still in Canada and we are again looking at RV so we can spend some time with him this summer up there. We are trying to find good solutions to this dilemma but they all seem to involve some amount of debt to get our family back under the same room, how much debt is the question. hmmmm.. what to do with that one. Insight requested.

Overall the busy-ness just continues, I've joined our ward choir which is making a life long goal come to fruition in which I am finally learning how to sing ALTO! My voice is naturally an alto but I never learned how to listen to the alto part so here I am being a decision maker and finally doing something I've always wanted to do... and you know why??? YOLI. it isn't just good for your physical health, I'M not KIDDING. I'm doing a lot of self improvement for my business and it is translating into all the other areas of my life. What a positive force of change Yoli has been for me. I truly love it and know others would too if they weren't scared off my the whole "selling a product" idea. Like I said, I started off really young and naive and now, just now,am I beginning to see what I could be. A humbling and frightening forecast to think I can be successful and not be afraid of that thought.

Jacey just got her kindergarten physical and got 4 shots, 2 in each leg. OUCHY, she was NOT happy. Then to top it off they added insult to injury with a finger poke for a hymaticryt. They called back and Jacey is anemic. So on an iron supplement she goes.

Lucas got ht and wt checked to see if he's still on the chart. he's been a steady 5-10%er. so we'll see what they say when they get that put into his file.

Poor poor taylor, she got her blood drawn cause the girl sleep 16-18 hours a day. NOT weird you say? Well I put her to bed at 8pm and she doesn't wake up until 10,10:30, 11 some mornings and it's been going on for months now. But guess what. SHE'S NORMAL. so the kid I thought might be sick is fine. The one I thought was healthy is sick. Go figure. At least we know either way now right?

So nothing serious, everyone's growing up, needing new clothes, bigger shoes, springtime pj's. All the usual at the Swainston home.

If you got all the way through this post you deserve a sticker. You're a trooper!! It was a doozey, and there weren't any pictures. AGAIN, LAME-O!! :) here's to hoping the next one is full of pictures. Thanks guys take care.