I wanted to write this to myself so I would remember this turning point or at least a trend. It's no secret that Lucas has given me a fair amount messes to clean up, small catastrophes to work through, attitude, grief, tears, tantrums and I have documented lots of them on here so when he does something nice I feel it's only fair to do the same... Lately he is having a lot of nice moments and I am really enjoying his personality and I have to say it is a nice change from the constant head butting they we have done for the last 2 1/2 years... yes it's been a long time I've waited to be in a place where we can enjoy each other. I know I have been hard for him to enjoy me as well.

Maybe it's the normal parent relationship with a 2 year old, I don't know... I always have and always will love him but the glimpses of "niceness" have been few and random. He is a strong spirit and on top of that he is agile, determined and more than able to get where he wants to get what he wants. He's soooo busy!

I moved all the kids around because Taylor is following in her brothers footsteps being busy and at this point she's incapable of staying in her bed... Long story short- Lucas is in his own room, so I have gone in to sing with him at night and he has been requesting "itsy bitsy spider" he does all the hand motions and knows all the words. His little voice is so cute, his pronunciation has suffered because of all his ear trauma and inability to hear and it's almost sad how nasally his little singing is. But I could listen to him for hours it's so adorable, and I can't tell you how good it feels to have tender sweet moments with him where he gives hugs and is happy to kiss me goodnight. He is talking more about his needs, feelings, telling stories, trying to sweet talk me and it's nearly irresistible!!

We went to Manda's the other day and she gave Lucas a ride on the mini motorcycle and he had so much fun, it was hysterical seeing tall manda with her knees scrunched up but Luky's face was bright and he was in heaven.. a moment after the ride, she parked the bike. We were both changing diapers on the porch right outside, 20 ft from Lucas. We looked over after hearing metal hit concrete and saw Lucas in the grass and the motorcyle dumped on it's side. I began telling him how he can't get on this himself and then he kind of quietly crumbled began to cry and I realized he was hurt. He burned the back of knee on the hot engine. It was a scarey looking one so we took him in and fixed him up. Probably the size of 2 quarters side by side. (I'll spare you the description) he was already exhausted but he whimpered and just let me hold him. The change is that he wasn't angry and hurt he was sad and hurt. He has just been kinder as a whole.

Point of the story is I am liking him again. I've always loved him- I would do anything for him at any point of my frustration- but it's been a long fight. I like feeling some peace between us, Peace. That's a powerful word when that is ALL you seek from a situation, and when you obtain it you just feel whole.

I love you Lucas, it has been so fun seeing you grow and mature, and I am really enjoying the time we are spending together. You have always been so full of life and energy. You are unique and funny. I love how you always want me to smell you after dad shares his colonge with you on sundays. I love how you can be rough and tumble yet sit so quiet on my lap for a book. I love the sound of your sweet voice and the sound of you singing. I love seeing you learn new things and participate in primary, ride your bike and do tricks on your scooter or skateboard. You are so balanced and athletic- it is going to be so fun watching you choose what direction you want to go with your energy. You always put your shoes on the wrong feet, you are so cute when you take care of Taylor and look after her. You can be such a great brother.

I think all the things we've fought about for the last 2 years are finally starting to pay off in my effort and your understanding. I know we will have more fights and we will disagree on LOTS of things but I want you to know you are my best boy and I love you so much. I hope we can continue to get along, I sure like seeing this side of you. I know I have failed in patience and I'll continue to develop that skill but I want you to know I'm sorry for the hard times we've come through, and I love who you are and who you are becoming.

Love your
Momma.