Time will tell...

This short entry stems from the thoughts of my mom's most recent post where she relates a story of trust from a toddler in her auntie to the trust and faith we must place in our Father in Heaven.

"I had this same thought today (without the eloquent words) during my presidency meeting... We worked on our situation and then closed with a prayer, my thoughtful Primary president prayed for my family and the life choices that need to be made. I crumbled in tears... My first thought was "I DID NOT want to go to Yelm 2nd ward, I knew I'd hate it there." I found myself in a mess of sobbing at the thought of possibly leaving all that I have come to adore... Oooohh how our father knows best. Then the inspiration came (or peace) "maybe I don't want to go now, and yes the transition will be tough, but maybe it will be the best place of all." where along the path of life did I lose my faith in the Lord's plan for me? or us? The answer to my prayers came today in the form of a peaceful feeling that told me, "it will all be ok." and the good part is... I believe it.

-I also finished a good book today that brought me a feeling of empowerment for my future.
-I installed a second row of shelves in my closet for storage (which I LOVEEE!!)
-Shelves in my craft/office are in and doing a beautiful job at organizing the Yoli in there.
-Saw an amazing Magic show at the YOLI BBQ, spent time with friends, had a zip line adventure (I'll tell you that one another day)
-landscaping is becoming clear, roses are deadheaded, bushes removed, dead shrubs cut out.
-car washed, lawn mowed, edged, (thank you my dear) :) xo
-girls night tonight, had a blast, had some laughs, enjoyed my cherished friendships!
- got some sun, while sipping lemonade and reading a good book.
-played with my kids
-had a presidency meeting
-signed up a new distributor in YOLI- WAHOO.. :)

It's been a good week of productivity, self improvement, love, friendship, and just moving forward to living out my goals and dreams.

I wanted to write this to myself so I would remember this turning point or at least a trend. It's no secret that Lucas has given me a fair amount messes to clean up, small catastrophes to work through, attitude, grief, tears, tantrums and I have documented lots of them on here so when he does something nice I feel it's only fair to do the same... Lately he is having a lot of nice moments and I am really enjoying his personality and I have to say it is a nice change from the constant head butting they we have done for the last 2 1/2 years... yes it's been a long time I've waited to be in a place where we can enjoy each other. I know I have been hard for him to enjoy me as well.

Maybe it's the normal parent relationship with a 2 year old, I don't know... I always have and always will love him but the glimpses of "niceness" have been few and random. He is a strong spirit and on top of that he is agile, determined and more than able to get where he wants to get what he wants. He's soooo busy!

I moved all the kids around because Taylor is following in her brothers footsteps being busy and at this point she's incapable of staying in her bed... Long story short- Lucas is in his own room, so I have gone in to sing with him at night and he has been requesting "itsy bitsy spider" he does all the hand motions and knows all the words. His little voice is so cute, his pronunciation has suffered because of all his ear trauma and inability to hear and it's almost sad how nasally his little singing is. But I could listen to him for hours it's so adorable, and I can't tell you how good it feels to have tender sweet moments with him where he gives hugs and is happy to kiss me goodnight. He is talking more about his needs, feelings, telling stories, trying to sweet talk me and it's nearly irresistible!!

We went to Manda's the other day and she gave Lucas a ride on the mini motorcycle and he had so much fun, it was hysterical seeing tall manda with her knees scrunched up but Luky's face was bright and he was in heaven.. a moment after the ride, she parked the bike. We were both changing diapers on the porch right outside, 20 ft from Lucas. We looked over after hearing metal hit concrete and saw Lucas in the grass and the motorcyle dumped on it's side. I began telling him how he can't get on this himself and then he kind of quietly crumbled began to cry and I realized he was hurt. He burned the back of knee on the hot engine. It was a scarey looking one so we took him in and fixed him up. Probably the size of 2 quarters side by side. (I'll spare you the description) he was already exhausted but he whimpered and just let me hold him. The change is that he wasn't angry and hurt he was sad and hurt. He has just been kinder as a whole.

Point of the story is I am liking him again. I've always loved him- I would do anything for him at any point of my frustration- but it's been a long fight. I like feeling some peace between us, Peace. That's a powerful word when that is ALL you seek from a situation, and when you obtain it you just feel whole.

I love you Lucas, it has been so fun seeing you grow and mature, and I am really enjoying the time we are spending together. You have always been so full of life and energy. You are unique and funny. I love how you always want me to smell you after dad shares his colonge with you on sundays. I love how you can be rough and tumble yet sit so quiet on my lap for a book. I love the sound of your sweet voice and the sound of you singing. I love seeing you learn new things and participate in primary, ride your bike and do tricks on your scooter or skateboard. You are so balanced and athletic- it is going to be so fun watching you choose what direction you want to go with your energy. You always put your shoes on the wrong feet, you are so cute when you take care of Taylor and look after her. You can be such a great brother.

I think all the things we've fought about for the last 2 years are finally starting to pay off in my effort and your understanding. I know we will have more fights and we will disagree on LOTS of things but I want you to know you are my best boy and I love you so much. I hope we can continue to get along, I sure like seeing this side of you. I know I have failed in patience and I'll continue to develop that skill but I want you to know I'm sorry for the hard times we've come through, and I love who you are and who you are becoming.

Love your
Momma.

For Better or Worse...

This post is strictly an "in my head" journaling entry.

I don't suppose it is the goal of any marriage to test this part of the vows we take (or hear in the traditional wedding) when we start out on the adventure of our lives called marriage.

However there comes a time in most marriages when we have a disagreement, where something or someone has to give in, give up, or sacrifice for the greater good of the relationship or family.

Our marriage, apart from friends that we are generally not legally or eternally bound to, is the one relationship we choose to enter into. We don't get to choose our parents, our siblings, our children, grandparents, aunts, cousins etc...(well lets not argue this point for this stories sake)

So why is it then that the one relationship we CHOOSE to be in ends up being fraught with challenges? I find myself in a situation I didn't think I was going to be in again. Justin's apprenticeship took us all over the north west. Some parts of Utah mostly Washington, a little Kansas, and storms back east. Though his apprenticeship is over the economy has left us 18 hours apart in separate countries and in different worlds. The part that is difficult is not living together but how to live together, APART...

I chose a man who is a very hard worker and provides a really comfortable living, and yet even with all that he provides I'm wishing I had less of this world with more of his company... I know to the military families this is certainly no big deal, but the truth is... I didn't sign up for deployments and frankly this is difficult... That's all I'm sayin'....

The kids and I struggle to get along, they miss him and Lucas is especially lost without his father. Justin is definitely a happy influence in our home, a tease, a comic relief, a friend, a playmate, huge help, teethbrusher, diaper changer, laundry man, cook, he vacuums, he tinkers, organizes, fixes, maintains, hugs, holds, smiles....I think he is gone wondering why I miss him beyond the fact that he is an amazing help in all aspects of my life... And though our telephone conversations are brief and we don't get to spend time just connecting in actual conversation life is just better when he's around to be a part of it.

I like to think I can do it all on my own with a smile on my face. I expect myself to handle a full load of house chores, gardening chores, lawn maintenance, church calling, mother, friend, self, mother, mother, sister, business partner, mother, and wife. Kids certainly have no maturity to recognize the effort they require. Their only job is to be happy having minimal responsibilities and enjoying their brief childhood and instead I know they are feeling like they are weathering this difficult time with me. I wonder what they're memories will be of this time of their lives? Will they have any recollection of his absence or will they just remember the feelings in our home? I received a blessing tonight and I think it's time we change our attitude around here from "better or worse" to "better or harder". My attitude has been that this part will be called "the part that was worst". Can it still be hard without being worst? I think so. I must try...

Justin I miss you. We are not the kind that were meant to be apart. I know you are doing your best and you would love to be home with us. I just want you to know we would choose to have you home with us too. Thank you for taking such good care of us, it's because you are so wonderful that life is so hard without you.

I guess in the midst of this trial I wonder what the Lord would have me learn from this situation, is it to be of good cheer? Am I gaining an appreciation of the military families I know? growing in the ways I can be empathetic? To give more service to my children? Selflessness, scheduling? organization? self sufficiency? Patience, humility, sacrifice? Will I recognized what I learned when this too has passed?

I will try to better to learn from my trials so that I can grow and become the woman I want to be. I want to embrace the attitude of better NOT worse. How can I become better from things that make me feel worse? I will decide to grow from the experience... (this is my positive thinking. is it working? :))

Goals this month, get to a temple, say more prayers, smile more, enjoy the little things, call on the Lord for endurance, go to bed earlier. :)

Jenn

Teddy Bear Masacre!!

Well FINALLY here are some pictures. I went into Jacey and Lucas' room and was welcomed by THIS!! I thought it looked like a bunch of animals on meat hangers but it's opened to interpretation I guess. funny none the less.

We gave Taylors crib away to a family who needed one by a certain date and though it was gone before I thought I was ready I figured it would be "ok". NOPE I hate it! it's so much work keeping a baby out of stuff and in bed when they aren't older enough. SO here are a couple pictures of how I've found Taylor when I went to check on her before bed.



I am starting a new Yoli Blog it will have pictures, videos, training, and article (either written by me or imported) and I'd love your feed back on that one as friends (even if you aren't interested) so I can improve, remove, or continue the quality of it. THanks Guys.


That way if you are checking out my blog and I want to write about Yoli I can without you guys feeling like I'm preaching... This one will stay my life and kids, and the other will be my business life... What do you think? You'll have to let me know what you think WHEN it's up. These things all take time after all, and I have SOooo much extra (wink wink) that it shouldn't take me long.

I've joined the Yelm City Lions Club so I can be involved in my community as well as choir and I still go playgroup on thursdays, 2nd counselor in Primary, running my business, 3 kids all five and under without a husband... Yeah we're busy. Happy but busy.

I just at this very moment got some flowers from my thoughtful husband, no kidding, mid blog entry a ding dong at my door... VOILA... they are good ones too. He and I are struggling with figuring out what the summer is going to hold for us since there is nothing to do up where he is and it's a rediculously long drive. (17 hours- without kids) I think I have pretty good motivation to be oober successful with Yoli don't you?? Bring our Daddy home that would be a success story I'm interested in...

So enjoy the pictures finally, they are my favorite part. :)

Again without the pictures? what is this..... a journal?

Don't you all know I hate posting without pictures?

This is why I haven't been up keeping up on this. The last 3 posts are picture-less and that is just lame-o. my writing or rambling isn't any fun without pictures.

Well it isn't like we haven't had plenty going on to post about, we've had St. Patrick Day, which we did absolutely NOTHING for. the FOLLOWING day I did Jacey's hair in the clover like last year, cause we actually left the house on the 18th to go to playgroup.

April fools day??? NADA. I did have a pre april fools meltdown prank which some of you caught! where I announced a fake pregnancy to see who was really listening. Mostly it was funny but some people were mad, which made for a tricky exit to that post... YOu all did catch the part where I am NOT pregnant right?

Then we had Conference where we enjoyed the spirit and did quite a bit of watching, again not forcing the kids to participate one i-od-ta. We did talk about what WE the parents were watching. I think Lucas actually sat for 7 minutes of one talk.

Conference turned into Easter where I didn't bother with new Easter clothes cause we were sitting at home for church that week. My mom-in-law did sent the kids new easter clothes that they DID look slick in the following Sunday. Thanks MOM! everything fit great. Luky's pants were a little long (big surprise) and Jacey's dress fits just right with not much room for growth but it fits!! I'll again have to try again for pictures of that moment. I did boil some eggs and we did do the whole dying eggs bit, complete with pictures and egg hunt (in the house).

We've had friends starting soccer, baseball, swimming and who knows what else and I'm feeling a little bit like a dud mother. Like a big smokey firecracker that just smokes and does NOTHING else. BORING.

My poor kids. At least they've been pretty popular in the neighborhood lately, thanks for the Trampoline Heather and Kyle, it has been the BEST thing ever!!! NOT Kidding. if we get 5 minutes of sun the kids are out on that thing.

We've been making new friends. I did an event at the L.A. Fitness here in Lacey and got some great leads and so far one more Yoli sign up to my team, we had A LOT of FUN at the event and the Gym has invited us back for the next customer appreciation event at the end of this month.
I learned I was a top 5 recruiter in the Yoli friends and family promotion that we just ended. So that was a boost of confidence in an industry that I have so much to learn about. It helps me to feel like I'm doing something right. 10,000 distributors and I was in the top 5! I like it! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.... turns into I know I will, I know I will, I know I will... So YOLI is taking off. BIG BONUS. It's still VERY early in the game so I have a long way to go, but forward progress is confirmation that I'm moving is FANTASTIC.

Justin is still in Canada and we are again looking at RV so we can spend some time with him this summer up there. We are trying to find good solutions to this dilemma but they all seem to involve some amount of debt to get our family back under the same room, how much debt is the question. hmmmm.. what to do with that one. Insight requested.

Overall the busy-ness just continues, I've joined our ward choir which is making a life long goal come to fruition in which I am finally learning how to sing ALTO! My voice is naturally an alto but I never learned how to listen to the alto part so here I am being a decision maker and finally doing something I've always wanted to do... and you know why??? YOLI. it isn't just good for your physical health, I'M not KIDDING. I'm doing a lot of self improvement for my business and it is translating into all the other areas of my life. What a positive force of change Yoli has been for me. I truly love it and know others would too if they weren't scared off my the whole "selling a product" idea. Like I said, I started off really young and naive and now, just now,am I beginning to see what I could be. A humbling and frightening forecast to think I can be successful and not be afraid of that thought.

Jacey just got her kindergarten physical and got 4 shots, 2 in each leg. OUCHY, she was NOT happy. Then to top it off they added insult to injury with a finger poke for a hymaticryt. They called back and Jacey is anemic. So on an iron supplement she goes.

Lucas got ht and wt checked to see if he's still on the chart. he's been a steady 5-10%er. so we'll see what they say when they get that put into his file.

Poor poor taylor, she got her blood drawn cause the girl sleep 16-18 hours a day. NOT weird you say? Well I put her to bed at 8pm and she doesn't wake up until 10,10:30, 11 some mornings and it's been going on for months now. But guess what. SHE'S NORMAL. so the kid I thought might be sick is fine. The one I thought was healthy is sick. Go figure. At least we know either way now right?

So nothing serious, everyone's growing up, needing new clothes, bigger shoes, springtime pj's. All the usual at the Swainston home.

If you got all the way through this post you deserve a sticker. You're a trooper!! It was a doozey, and there weren't any pictures. AGAIN, LAME-O!! :) here's to hoping the next one is full of pictures. Thanks guys take care.

6 Years of eternal bliss!!

It's true, We've been married six years and it has been a whirlwind... Some of you might have seen the "stats" update on facebook, that was a moment of reflection I was taking as I thought of the things we've been through together in six years of marriage. I'm sure there are multitudes of other and more colorful things that I don't even remember.
So I just wanted to tell my eternal companion that I love the time we've HAD together, Love the things we DO together, I look forward to the time we WILL have together in the future...
My mom was teasing me about getting worked up over a certain tv show and she commented that she was ready to defend my outrage when she discovered it was all over "reality tv." Just now I realized that watching the "bachelor" sometimes brings you back to those feelings of bliss and thoughts of the perfect beginning you had in the early times of your relationships. If fun to think of how you started out together, see how far you've come, and recognize the growth that is still needed. The truth is marriage takes work, in the beginning it doesn't seem like you will ever fight about anything, you'll just discuss your differences and come to a reasonable conclusion, right? Well later on we learn that effort is required to get to a place of agreement and sometimes the agreement never happens.
None the less it is finding happiness in the little things, the notes of appreciation, getting cheered on when you are excelling at something, being picked up after a hard day, eating together, finding hobbies to enjoy together (even if sometimes those hobbies involve little ping-pong rivalries). I guess I just want to say, I enjoy knowing how you like your toast, how you like your shirts folded, what kind of floss you prefer, and all the hundreds of little things that make you unique and interesting to me... Justin I love you. I'm happy to be married to you even on our worst day. Happy Anniversary my darling sweet heart!! I sure love ya!!

No, huh-uh... this didn't annoy me in the slightest...(please note heavy doses of sarcasm)

So as you might have figured out Justin got a wild hair and turned our blog private, sorry there was no warnin!, If you haven't been invited to the blog it's because I don't have your email address and I didn't start this MESS! BUT I know it's for our cyber safety and scary things are happening to people online everyday. I see where he's coming from (can't throw him under the bus completely) but it is a pain to get everyone invited back who does like to look in from time to time. I apologize if you got cut OFF cold turkey....If you'd like to see the blog I will let you just let me know. Maybe via Facebook. or does this automatically post to facebook so you all can see it there anyways? huh... either way fb me if you want back in and I will put your email in the list to accept a personal invitation to our "oh so non-accessable" blog. I love you dear. Thanks for looking out for our safety.(being serious now) Because you're right, not being safe from identity theft, stalkers and perverts aren't risks where I'd like to hear "I told you so". So though it wasn't my favorite change in the world I know it's probably a good idea. And THAT as they say is THAT!