Don't judge me...it happened so fast..

I don't want to write this as an attention getter but I do want to remember this story for years to come and read it occasionally as a reminder of how easily life can change.

Taylor and I were busy around the house yesterday... just her and I while the kids were at school. I was sitting in the sun leaning on the sliding glass door, working on the computer doing taxes... and I saw Taylor in the living room hiding behind my new ottoman with a bright red sucker... a second later she was gone and very quiet... I figured she knew she was in trouble for sneaking the sucker and went to eat it quietly in hiding.

So a minute later I got up and went to find her. "Tayyylooor". no answer. NO BIG DEAL there are lots of places to hide with a sucker.

"TAY!!" I began scanning bedroom doorways, still calling her. "Taylor, answer me! please"
I'm curious where she went?? I began looking behind the doors, closets, behind curtains, in beds, my bedroom, the garage... At this point I think she must have gone outside. I am still relatively calm at this point.
"Taayyllorrr"
"taylor, where are you?" The street is earily quiet. Normally there is a neighbor home, someone walking a dog, something. Today there was NOTHING... no cars, no mail man... she wasn't in the street, no shoes were missing, the garage was closed- so no bikes were out... She must still be in the house. Back in I go for a 2nd look...

NOW I am getting a little tense. "Taylor, answer mom right now, I can't find you... TAYLOR!!! Mom's getting scared, where are you? TAAaayyyLLLORRR JANE!! ANSWER ME!! RIGHT NOW!!" My voice is noticeably screechy and agitated... Now I am triple searching things and places that aren't even possible to hide in, like cupboards, bath tubs, my office, the back yard (I was sitting in front of the sliding door so she would have had to walk past me to get back there. plus it was locked with the dowel in the door jam still)she couldn't be in the back yard. STILL, I checked. NOTHING... So I went inside and stood quietly, listening.........

Then panic really set in... my pace quickened as I called and called, now on the verge of tears, calling- almost screaming.. begging her to answer me.. yet no sound at all came.

Maybe it had been more than 1 minute. Maybe she did go outside and I didn't hear the door... What if she was in the road when a strange car drove up.. what if she'd been missing for real these last few minutes I had been searching for her and I had done nothing yet to find her??? She can't really be gone from the house can she? Maybe I'll walk around the block and be sure she didn't wander down the street. My rational mind was quickly turning to every news broadcast I'd ever seen with missing babies, every CSI I had ever watched, it only takes one lunatic to ruin my life... could she possibly sit still and quiet this whole time hearing me crying and run throughout the house searching for her?? She couldn't possibly be that quiet, that long... It's only been 4 minutes... IT FEELS LIKE ETERNITY.

I grabbed my keys, my purse and my phone... I grab the local police department number off the fridge put it into my keypad and walk out the door. I still don't see her in the street... and I make the decision. This is serious. I AM SCARED. This is NOT a prank. I DO NEED HELP... I press "CALL".. as it rings I realize-- I am panicking and as the dispatch officer answers it hits me. Tears, and terror.

"I can't find my 3 year old." I told her.
"I can't find her, I've looked everywhere." I began listing the places I've looked so she'd know I had been thorough...

She told me in her- "I hear this all the time tone"
"ma'am, please stay calm, I'm going to transfer you to dispatch (or whoever it was)"
"ok", I breathed.
I began walking around my block looking in every yard, as I gave the officer her description.
"what was she wearing?" he asked me.
"I don't remember", now I felt ultimately worse.. I wanted to help him so bad but I couldn't even give him the details he needed...
"ummm, she was... ummmmm... I don't know.." I couldn't focus, I wanted to go back into my memory of the morning and thing about what I had put on her today, but I couldn't make myself walk through the entire mornings events.. I didn't have time. I had to find her.

I saw a man in the road with his son playing, he looked concerned at my state of panic, I asked if he's seen a little girl and he said he hadn't but looked around him as if he wished he had. He didn't know how to help me... I kept walking and talking and came around the 3rd turn which would put me on the home stretch of road back to the house... then I see it... my front door opened.
"There she is." I said brightly. "She's in the house." "I have her. She's here."

I don't even remember how the conversation ended, I know I hung up. Did I even say thank you??

I went in and held her and cried, and then she cried when I asked where she was... Where could she have been that I didn't see her??
"Why didn't you answer me? Where were you?" she was crying with me at this point and nothing was going to be solved until we both calmed down so we just sat and cried with her on my lap.

My phone rang again it was my little sister. Sobbing I tell her I have to call you back. (NOTE TO SELF. DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE WHILE SOBBING AND TELL THE OTHER PERSON YOU CAN'T TALK. IT MAKES THEM PANIC AS WELL.) But the police had just arrived on my front porch to confirm everyone was safe. I was happy to see them knowing I no longer needed them. What a relief. They could be of NO assisstance to me. They left assuring me it happens all the time and not to worry. I wanted to hug them for their timing. I was relieved, and still shaken from the heavy moments I just endured.

It was over. I didn't have to call Justin and tell him his daughter was missing. I didn't have to call my mom and tell her I lost her grandbaby...

I was relating the story to a friend and they said, "I'm surprised she's not dead, or beaten!" and normally I would be furious, but in this case I was so scared that anger was flushed out and all I felt was gladness to have her back. Happy to hold her and see what she was wearing...Relief.

Life would have changed forever if she wouldn't have been behind that door. How many hours of sleep would I lose, how many senario's would I run through my head? How would I forgive myself? I would wish death for her over the alternative.
Life can change instantly from one minute to the next. Cherish each moment.

Jennis

P.S. She said she was hiding under my desk, in my office. It is a deep "L" shaped desk with very dark corners. She may have been behind a box, between it's dividers... I looked under there and didn't see her... I will definately sweet talk, bribe, cajole, and pretend to leave before calling the cops next time. I don't regret doing it though.