"A Life Written In Pencil"....

Chapter one... The leaky bucket.
I went to my book club this past friday and we read the book "The Glass Castle" which is a biography written as a collection of memories and stories, easy to read, plenty of thought provoking questions are raised and it made for a great discussion.

We organized a list of books for the year and then volunteered our homes as host sites for the book of the month. This months hostess posed this question to our group, "what would you title a book written about your life?" and then we wrote them down and passed them to her anonymously. She read each one aloud and we guessed who's title it was. It was fun how well we knew each other. Some were obvious (we didn't think on them TOO long- just from the top of your head) But I was pretty proud of mine, I wrote two as I am indecisive as you can see from my title. "A life written in Pencil".
We went around the room and when our title was guessed we got to tell a small snippet of how we came to choose it. A couple of us put 2 titles down cause there are several chapters in a life and it seems we could go several ways with which part of our life we wanted to highlight.

I chose my title based off the fact that I am indecisive if I go to a new restaurant it takes me forever to pick something cause I want to read each item on the menu in detail... and then after all that I ask the server what their favorite is, just for fun- now it's sort of a tradition.

Writing in pen is so final isn't it? As an artist I would never start a masterpiece in something as permanent as pen... Maybe this is why I admire tatoo artists so much, what they are doing is so final. But if you look back over your life isn't there times we had to erase go back and try that path again. I don't mean regrets, I mean apologies, repentance, oooppsss, darn, I might have done that differently had I known.... That's what it means to me, "A life written in pencil" It's fun for me to think on all the ways that can be read into... Maybe it means this life is just a rough draft, we don't need pen cause we aren't in our final copy. Maybe it means our life is being written in God's notebook, he's the author and he will erase our mistakes with the atonement and when the copy is perfected he'll print the final piece on soft silky pages with gold or silver edges and then we can look back and see the masterpiece he's created... Like the clay on a potters wheel.


I know there will be that person who reads this and thinks, "I don't want my life choices changed, I have no regrets, I don't want to read perfectly I want my life to be read the way it was lived. I do write in pen!" I say, AwEsOMe!! I just thought it was clever for off the cuff ya know?
I like the thought of improving on what's here, it doesn't mean the life written in pencil is edited to perfection, it just means there is the opportunity to clean up the edges, erase the smudges, as I'm typing this I'm making errors that have to be deleted and rewritten, it doesn't mean that the whole post is perfect... get what I'm trying to say?
SO what is "A Leaky Bucket".
I think the leaky bucket is another one of life's metaphors. "The Leaky Bucket- A true story of my Life" can you see yourself picking up that book wondering what it contents might hold? That book may contain all the stories of my mothering, (I do have some unique stories) it may be the story of my childhood which very literally did have some leaky rain water being caught in a bucket stories...

The leaky bucket might symbolize all the effort that is put into marriage, work, kids, homes, friends, families, church, community, school etc... the time and love put into any given thing that doesn't hold "water"....It sounds like a sad story. A marriage that isn't what you thought it would be (not mine of course- wedded bliss even after 7 short years- xo hugs to that man) a child that's unappreciative (all kids under the age of 5 ;) a friend who discounts the loyalty you've given them, a home that sucks your paychecks endlessly...anything that saps your energy and spirit.

This one fit for me that night, it's hard to describe the place I am in. I am dedicated to growing as a person, I am becoming very conscience of the things I bring into my life, the effect my choices and thoughts bring to my success, my happiness. I am learning to live life very deliberately- but with that comes a new awareness of all my insecurities and weaknesses that I am trying to grow out of. It's an interesting thing introspection? to really examine your flaws to determine how you need to grow. I would warn you to proceed with that undertaking cautiously.


Life sometimes can be like a leaky bucket. You try desperately to fill your bucket with positivity, love, humor, prayer, hobbies, wisdom, memorable experiences and other things you do and satan is there with a hammer and nails constantly pounding away at our exterior trying to put a hole in our positivity, driving hate and anger into our relationships... We have to be constantly aware of the nail holes ebbing the water from our bucket.

Our home teacher has been diligent in coming to our home, and he has been one of those good ones you actually DO call when you need an elbow relocated (Jacey) and you trust to give a blessing if you are in need. He gave his lesson this month on perspective, Optimism vs. Pessimism. Changing our attitude looking for the light in a situation. I am grateful for him adding that lesson to all that I have been taking in lately. It added perfectly to my study and growth and I'm happy to have his association. Do we focus on the hardship? or do we look for the growth we will gain from it? Do we sit down WITH Satan and CRY about the HOLES? or do we find a way to patch them up and feverishly keep adding water to the bucket?

I don't know, I thought it was fun to think of all the ways we might title a book of our life. I have a good one that I do know. And it is a goal of mine to continue to focus on shedding my negativity and adopting an optimistic attitude. I love my Rose colored glasses.... hhmmm maybe that will be the title of "Chapter 2". :)